THE PERFECT DRUG
-Do you want to swap our teeth? Just for tonight. I never liked my grinders that much. Do you think she would notice if I get your pearliers?
-You have to be more assertive. You are doubting too much. She is not for everybody- you have to be sure. You cannot doubt her- there is no going back. You won`t be able to live without her. Not after you`ve been with her.
-Who the fuck are you by the way? And why are you whispering? No one can hear you- you know that. You are beginning to worry me. I liked you better when you sat silent and not as close.
-Pay attention!!!- the uttered in his mind phrase felt like an explosion.
Where was I…? Oh yeah- I think she liked you- the way she smelled… Her tattoos… Her blond hair… This doesn`t happen overnight, you know. Not in this humidity.
-No, really: who the hell are you?
-Have another one; it will refresh your memory.
- I still know that you are not real.
-If I wasn`t- could I do this? –The square root of the diagonal equals the summ of the length of the two opposite sides, divided by 2. I bet you didn`t know that.
- Maybe I just forgot.
-Check.
-Ok, I trust you.
-Your mind is too lazy for your own safety.
-What would it change if I`ve proved you wrong? You would still be sitting here.
- I know how to find her.
-Well, so do I then. I need to sleep.
-If you sleep now- I won`t be here when you wake up and you will never remember her name.
-I`m too tired to give a damn.
-Dietholaproxidfermenzoidoetheropiochloride.
- Diet. I`ll see you in a few days.
The new day to kill trespassed into his room, illuminating all the filth and misery he accumulated around him over the years. He tried to cover his eyes with the grayish pillow, but it was too late- the cortisone, as an unstoppable alarm, was dragging him out of the cozy darkness into the unforgiving light. Looking around to find any tangible evidence of the past night`s meeting was useless, but it did yield a ball of wrapped in a foil grass. Rolling a joint would be nicer, but hands were shaking too much to perform a decent job. He emptied the ashes from the water bong`s cup into the beer can and filled it with weed without mixing it with the tobacco. Better for health this way, he noted sarcastically. The water in the bong was beige with brown oily drops of tar, floating on the top. I wonder if one can smoke them. Actually he has tried. Many did.
Before he even exhaled, as a sledge hammer, the feeling of melting relaxation pinned him on to his back. He tried to balance the water pipe in his violently shaking hand, but dropped it. The familiar stench of the cannabis sledge products filled in the air around him. It will stay in there for weeks to come, but now he could start worrying about the bigger problem. The Diet. He knew too much about her for her to be a pure fantasy, yet it sounded too good to be true.
The perfect drug, that takes over ones brain chemistry as a symbiotic organism, feeding of the neurotransmitters and their chemistry, boosting the production of all the right signal substances, to keep the body and soul in a perpetual ecstasy,. Filtrating and suppressing all the stress, fear and pain, which were necessary, when the food had to be hunted and darkness was filled with predators, hungry for your flesh. Now, in the age of the microwaves and climate control they were redundant. It`s all about the balance- as soon as your body was to signal any physical or emotional discomfort- she would know to increase dopamine or suppress cortisone. With some regular medical checkups for a missed problem, one would never have to feel the pain of any sorts again. As for the things as anxiety or depression- they probably signal the need to change something in one`s life, but he didn`t need to be reminded of it this way- specially that his was where he chose to be.
Diet may only be a myth, but it was too advanced such, to be purely a product of his delirium. Suddenly he felt an empty feeling, As if there was a vacuum in his solar plexus, sucking all air out of his lungs. What if something goes wrong? What if she gets a taste for fear or physical pain? She would still keep him alive in a perpetual hell. There was no one to ask, except for the mystery figure from the last night. He noted to himself that thinking of the man without a face as if he was real was a sign of insanity, however the guy knew too much to be simply dismissed. He will have to ask him.
A?
Where am I? I need a fix…
